There are two types of people who come out of relationships: those who use their past as an “excuse” or let it dictate their future (or even just their now) & those who leave the past behind where it belongs.

I like to think I’m the latter.

Though, I know I wasn’t always. Some things take awhile to get over. And sometimes, it takes awhile to learn you need to not look back or water dead plants.

Don’t get me wrong, I still hurt from the past and Lord knows I have some trust issues. I don’t open up easily. I’ve never been in love—I’m not sure if I can even get to that point. I like to think someday…& there lies the difference.

I refuse to fully give up. I’ll still try if I meet someone who I’m actually interested in. Though, these days I will admit, those standards keep rising. I simply don’t find myself easily attracted to many guys like I used to be—I used to be more lenient with my standards with a three strikes rule. Now, it’s a total hit or miss. One strike, you out. As soon as I know I don’t see a future with the guy, I’m out.

It’s crazy to me when people shut themselves off because of the past. Not because they want a break or because they’re in a situation that’s not ideal for a relationship (like only in town for a couple weeks) or because they simply don’t feel like wasting time with someone they’re not interested in. Or because they don’t want a relationship, clear cut they have no interest in ever being in a committed relationship.

They shut off because they can’t get over the past or they’re scared of the future. They shut off because they don’t know.

I seem to be making a habit of being attracted to guys who aren’t available by their choice. As in they’re interested and want to hang out but only for fun. They don’t feel like it’s right to jump into something so soon. Society says you can’t simply move from one relationship to another. Society says men need a time of “fun” to be single at some point in their 20s or they might have a mid-life crisis. Pretty sure I’m female and have some sort of mid-life crisis every season: I need this tattoo, I need to buy that fast car, I need to buy my own house not rent, I need to be published this year before I might die. Oh, life is a charming crisis.

This idea of having fun with a self-inflicted expiration date is simply something I don’t understand when interested in someone. To me, the whole point of dating is to have fun and get to know someone. It’s not a proposal, it’s an exploration. It’s quite literally about the fun and just going with the flow, seeing where each day takes you two. You can break it off at any point in time. You can decide at any point in time that you’re not interested anymore. You can have fun and still be respectful. It’s all about the honesty. Am I wrong? I could be way off base here, who knows? I’m half convinced I’m crazy half the days of the week and especially every time I choose to not only write a blog about dating but then also post it for whoever to see. So what do I know?

To me, interest has different levels but at the surface it’s an attraction. You’re drawn to the person for whatever reason often unknown. It’s this ingrained notion that you want to get to know them or that your life could be better with them in it. Doesn’t mean it’s a relationship, could be just as friends, but there’s something there that makes you feel like you were missing it before. Sometimes it leads to more, sometimes it leads to friendship, sometimes it leads to completely parting ways. Rarely, however, can you regret just seeing where it goes.

Sometimes there’s no attraction. And this is where I’m a hypocrite.

My biggest pet peeve is when guys private message me on social to go on a date and I tell them I’m not interested only for them to tell me, “You don’t know what you’re missing out on.” Or, “If you would just be open, I think you’d find I could be the one for you.” Or whatever claim they have. Except, 1) they don’t know me so let’s just stop with the fact that they firmly believe we’re meant to be together. No, we’re not. 2) It’s not that I’m not open, it’s that I’m not interested. There’s nothing I see that draws me to them. I know, bitch thing to say but also very real—and if it’s one thing I am, it’s real—though I do try to say it nicer until they just don’t get it.

(Let’s be clear, I’m all about putting yourself out there and trying but I’m very much against being pushy and right-out rude about it. & don’t ever ask a girl out and when she tells you no send her a dick pic because you actually think that will change her mind. Newsflash: It won’t.  It will, however, absolutely land you on that blocked list and maybe reported as inappropriate/harassment. Like GTFO.)

I don’t believe in running down paths you know will lead you to an absolute dead end. I do believe you can walk blindly down a path where you’re unsure of the outcome. Seems to me most everything we do in life is done blindly. What’s that saying? “Want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”