Category Archives: Uncategorized

Great Summer Reads

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I am totally missing some great titles here but I am a reader who enjoys all genres. I love an author who writes for the work, for the story itself, and not the audience; who isn’t scared of pissing the reader off because it didn’t go their way but can be recognized as the only rightful ending to the novel. Veronica Roth did this with the Divergent series and while I cried and hated her for it that entire next week, I also respected her greatly for the decision she made. (If you’ve read the series, you know what I’m talking about.) A lot of books I read are “too depressing” for some, or “too slow of a read” because it’s a classic. Posted here are some of my favorites–and I have a lot of them!–but I tried to keep it to 1) what others might enjoy and 2) not overtly popular novels. Some you may have constantly seen on store shelves or heard another rave about, but none of these titles have been shoved in your face like Gone Girl or The Hunger Games or Divergent–all of which I did love–or the dreadful, so despairingly dreadful, Fifty Shades of Grey. Some of these titles shown I may have posted a review to previously, as well.
I hope you love them as much as I do!

1) Me Before You by Jojo Moyes: My #1 choice. I can’t say enough great things about this amazing book. It is absolutely phenomenal and will make you appreciate your life more while hurt for those in worse times than you. I want to read all of her work because I loved this one so.

2) The Good Girl by Mary Kubica: If you loved Gone Girl you will love this thrilling read. Entirely different storyline but equally mysterious, enthralling, and spectacular. P.S. I do believe Sharp Objects may have been Gillian Flynn’s best novel simply because of how much Gone Girl was publicly raved over.

3) The Alex Cross series by James Patterson: His best works by far. Why? He is the sole author. His style, wit, and ability to fully follow through with a crime novel in this series outshines the attempts his coauthors make in some of his other works.

4) Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen: This will always be a favorite read of mine. A timely classic that never gets old.

5) The Tenth Circle, The Pact, and Salem Falls by Jodi Picoult: My favorite works by her. If you are looking to read something by her and never have, these are the novels to start out with.

6) Beautiful Disaster and Walking Disaster by Jamie McGuire: Fall in love with Travis. He will ruin all other men for you. If you want a romantic novel, here it is. Then, when you think you can’t love another fictional male character more, fall in love with Trent in McGuire’s Beautiful Oblivion.

7) Guilty Wives by James Patterson: A great beach read and there’s no series. It won’t leave you hanging.

8) Beautiful Bastard series by Christina Lauren: If you want something steamy, here it is. One of my favorite romantic series. The heroine in this first novel makes the book. She’s got a backbone and is a total bitch. No Anastasia Steele here and I LOVE IT!

9) The Troublemaker Next Door series by Marie Harte: Another steamy read with guys who aren’t billionaires–what makes it so appealing is the lack of money, the down to earth guys Harte creates. It is nothing like 50 Shades and that is why I absolutely love these books.

10) The Book Thief by Markus Zusak: Brilliant novel. I real piece of art when it comes to writing. I mean, who would have thought that Death could be such a captivating narrator?

11) Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen (her Ape House is amazing too!), The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud by Ben Sherwood, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green (I actually loved his Looking For Alaska more!), Atonement by Ian McEwan, The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, The Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, P.S. I Love You by Cecilia Ahern, Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin, The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick, and A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway: Every one of these books have made it to the big screen and every one of these books were so much better in print. Even if you have already seen the movie, I highly recommend you read these novels.

12) The Color Purple by Alice Walker, Native Son by Richard Wright, and Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston: My three favorite African American literature pieces. Though, I must say, Jazz by Toni Morrison is an unbelievable read as well, but Morrison is a great storyteller so that’s no surprise.

13) The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood: Basically because she is one hell of a talented woman. Give her a pen and she will give you art.

14) Me and Mr. Booker by Cory Taylor: A very awkward read. Extremely controversial. Think Lolita or The Reader more modernized. Uncomfortable but brilliant.

15) Finding It by Cora Carmack: The third in the Losing It series but the best one. It’s a romantic, traveling gemstone.

16) The Weight of Silence by Heather Gudenkauf: It’s thrilling and appalling but wonderful. Heartbreaking and tragic but addictive.

17) Silence and Broken Silence by Natasha Preston: Yes, yes, yes! I read both in one weekend.

18) Wallbanger by Alice Clayton: Another steamy novel and the first in the series (and sadly the only one I’ve read) but sexy, I won’t lie. It’s got attitude and sarcasm, which is why it was such a great read.

19) Wait For You series by J. Lynn: To be honest, the first one wasn’t my favorite but it was still good. It is the others (specifically, Be With Me and Stay With Me) that were pretty great reads. Again, though, a romantic read with a little mysterious edge.

20) Maybe Somebody by Colleen Hoover: Yes, another romance. However, Hoover adds a twist, a handicap, if you will, that makes this love story so much more captivating.

The Husband’s Secret

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At the heart of The Husband’s Secret is a letter that is no meant to be read…
My darling Cecilia,
If you’re reading this, then I’ve died…

BACK COVER

Imagine your husband wrote you a letter, to be opened after his death. Imagine, too, that the letter contains his deepest, darkest secret–something with the potential to destroy not only the life you have built together, but the lives of others as well. And then imagine that you stumble across that letter while your husband is still very much alive…

Cecilia Fitzpatrick has achieved it all–she’s an incredibly successful businesswoman, a pillar of her small community, a devoted wife and mother. Her life is as orderly and spotless as her home. But that letter is about to change everything–and not just for her. There are other women who barely know Cecilia–or each other–but they, too, are about to feel the earth-shattering repercussions of her husband’s secret.

REVIEW

Exceptionally exploitive! Slow moving at first as I was impatient to know the secret, curious if I was correct, it became a slightly anticlimactic climb to the women’s collision. Moriarty effortlessly explores the reality that nothing is truly felt until the tragedy happens to you. She exploits the blindness caused by overwhelming tragedy and the need for revenge, the crippling truth behind everything is clearer in hindsight. She begs the question of what happens when the choices we are forced to make seem incapable of holding a right decision, when there is no correct answer. She creates a world imagining for us what happens when one turns a blind eye to injustice. She draws attention to the idea that children pay for the sins of their parents, that there is a balancing of scores, that no crime goes unpunished. Moriarty forces the reader to question every black and white thought, to dive into the grey, the idea that everything isn’t always as it seems. We live in a society where it is assumed the white collar family man is pure and innocent while children are told to fear the presumably bad creepy man–Moriarty unravels this wrongful assumption. I love an author who forces me to think, to imagine, to question my own beliefs; leads me to ask of myself, what would I do? To top her own brilliant imagination and drive it all home, Moriarty goes to the length of declaring what would have happened if these people had made better choices, if tragedy hadn’t struck and they chose the path to prevent this domino of catastrophe.

The Silent Wife: A Silent Bore

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“Better than Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl. A must read for anyone who is occasionally ruthless, reckless, or…loves clever books with depth and heart.” –Sophie Hannah, author of The Other Woman’s House

BACK COVER

Jodi and Todd are at a bad place in their marriage. Much is at stake, including the affluent life they lead in their beautiful waterfront condo in Chicago, as she, the killer, and he, the victim, rush haplessly toward the main event. He is a committed cheater. She lives and breathes denial. He exists in dual worlds. She likes to settle scores. He decides to play for keeps. She has nothing left to lose. Told in alternating voices, The Silent Wife is about a marriage in the throes of dissolution, a couple headed for catastrophe, concessions that can’t be made, and promises that won’t be kept.

REVIEW

With foreshadow as the reader’s villain, suspense was brutally murdered before the opening line was read. It was my own stupidity and naivety that led me to believe this would be a great read. I had hoped for a thrilling novel but was met with multiple character monologues–the book thrived off these intense internal dialogues. Spoken dialogue was slim and the characters were annoyingly flawed, ranting their excuses to the reader. Classified with Gone Girl and Before I Go To Sleep, both exceptionally brilliant novels, The Silent Wife fell so short it didn’t even leave the ground. I wanted to like it–I craved to read it–but upon beginning, it became a race to the finishing line because of how disappointingly boring it was. After glimpsing it on the store’s shelf for months and finally giving in to the nagging curiosity, this was one book I wish I wouldn’t have wasted my time on. Bluntly put, Sophie Hannah was wrong, this book doesn’t even belong on a shelf next to Gone Girl.

Looking For Alaska

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BACK COVER

Before. Miles “Pudge” Halter’s whole existence has been one big nonevent, and his obsession with famous last words has only made him crave the “Great Perhaps” (Francois Rabelais, poet) even more. He heads off to the sometimes crazy, possibly unstable, and anything-but-boring world of Culver Creek Boarding School, and his life becomes the opposite of safe. Because down the hall is Alaska Young. The gorgeous, clever, funny, sexy, self-destructive, screwed-up, and utterly fascinating Alaska Young, who is an event into herself. She pulls Pudge into her world, launches him into the Great Perhaps, and steals his heart.

After. Nothing is ever the same.

REVIEW

Green makes writing a true piece of art, brilliantly crafting the characters, scenes, and plot twists. He knows how to flawlessly write a character with depth without overdoing or overdramatizing it; a character we can befriend and whose emotions we believe, thought processes we can comprehend (or at least follow); a character we cry for, and cry for I did. Most books hold the heartbreak for the end–a tragic finale, something grand to leave the reader with–or begin with it–something to overcome, build the character up with. Green blindsided me with the heartache halfway through then prolonged it as Pudge fought to survive it. I forgot what a teenage crush felt like, never realized that as an adolescent our feelings seem all consuming, but Green effortlessly transported me back into that time and age; made me want to be a teenager again, one willing to take chances and get my heart broken. I hated my high school years but somehow Green had me wanting to relive them.

skinny is a derogatory term

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I used to be a solid 145lbs. It might drop a few on off days when I was sick but for the most part my weight was fairly stable. When I got pregnant, I couldn’t gain weight. For the first five months, I only gained 5lbs and unless people were aware, they couldn’t tell I was with child. Trips out to see friends in grand rapids often greeted me with inquiries about my health, lectures on how I needed to eat more, jealousies of how little I had gained and how cute my little barely visible bump was. Monthly checkups with the doctor turned into encouragement to eat ice cream daily and the expectation to have growth ultrasounds done to make sure the baby was healthy and developing on track. Hell, strangers even loved to comment on how badly they wished they were my size when I was near full term but only looked five or six months along—people need to learn to keep their mouths shut.

By the time I went in to be induced, I weighed only 158lbs, a 13-15lb weight gain. By the end of those first six weeks after Evelynn was born, I had dropped to 122lbs, lower than I had been in years. Hell, I hadn’t weighed below 130 since before sophomore year of high school.

I never wanted to be sick. I never purposefully skipped meals. I never shoved my finger down my throat.

There is nothing I would like more than to be able to eat half a pizza without running for the bathroom ill to my stomach through the rest of the night.

To be honest, I don’t like being told how good I look. I know I could have stood to lose a few pounds before pregnancy, but I hate how I lost them. Unless it is coming from someone who knows what I have gone through this past year, I don’t want to hear thoughts on my weight or figure.

I miss my curves. I miss my ass—my god do I miss my ass. I had it good. It was round and firm, plump and cushiony. I could sit on a hard surface without it hurting or needing to reposition after only a few minutes.

Sometime around the beginning of this year, I came across celiac disease and after investigating it further, found out the likelihood that this is the reason for Evelynn’s low birth weight, my inability to gain weight when pregnant, my constant sickness and exhaustion, my daily migraines. Going gluten free has been my lifesaver. It’s been hard as hell but never before have I been able to survive the week without naps and only an average of nine hours of sleep at night. I may have lost all my muscle when I was pregnant and will have to work extremely hard to get back to where I was, but I can eat multiple meals a day without getting sick. My diet may be restricted but my god do I feel amazing.

Skinny is a derogatory term and people don’t realize this. Words are powerful. They label and kill esteem. They boost egos and build confidence. When people call me skinny or comment on how much weight I have lost in the past six months—or how little I had gained when pregnant—I immediately feel unhealthy. I promise you, you don’t want to know my secret. I know how it looks. The girl who was continuously sick, can’t keep food down or rarely had an appetite. However, for the past two months and despite the muscle loss, I also know that I’m the healthiest I have been in years.

Beethoven sneak peak

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Here’s a sneak peak to the novel I’m working on. I began it a few years back but stopped after the prologue, previously published to my former blog site. Blame it on lack of motivation, too many similar books already published. Whatever you will. My biggest fear in writing is writing something that reminds the reader too much of another author’s book. After some contemplation, I took it off the back burner a week ago. My biggest frustration has been character development and detail. Too many authors aren’t fully developing a story, in a rush to meet a deadline, and it’s leaving the reader disappointed. I promised myself, as a writer and with this piece, that I wouldn’t be one of those authors. Some mystery and open ending can be good, enticing, but I always thought it should be done in moderation. That being said, this small segment will greatly expand eventually as I work through my characters and storyline, hopefully turning into something I’ll be proud enough to seek publication one day…..

Prologue

Slowly, Beth turns the key in the lock, waiting to hear that familiar “click.” It doesn’t come. She lightly pushes the door ajar with her pointer finger and quickly steps back, confused. That’s odd, I could have sworn I locked the door after I left, she thinks, refusing to jump to any conclusions and not wanting to believe that the worse has come.

The groceries suddenly become very heavy in her arms as she kicks the door the rest of the way open and steps inside. She turns slightly and swiftly to shut it with her heel. Feeling along the wall with her elbow, she finally finds the light switch and flicks it on. She flips off her Sperrys as she leaves the entry and quickly carries the groceries into the kitchen, setting them on the island counter before she might drop them.

Before she begins to put the groceries away, she walks to the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water, uncapping it and taking a long swig as she strolls over to turn on her radio. As the first chords begin to play through the speakers, she freezes and the water drops from her hand.

No longer does the sweet and calming melody of Ray LaMontagne’s voice fill her house, but it is replaced with the explosive dark strings of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony; the song that he used to always begin his fundraiser concerts with; the one he blared throughout their old, secluded, country-style home when he came home from a rough day at work and wanted something; something from her. When he wanted her. And planned to take what he wanted. Because she was his—or at least that was what he would yell into her ear as she laid on her back motionless for him, waiting for him to be done and dreaming of the day it all would be over. She had hoped those days were finally here.

She backs up into the island counter and slides down onto the floor. Tears begin to stream down her face, and she wonders how he could have found her when she had been so careful. She had made sure to never contact any family or friends, except to send them a birthday card every year, signed only with a heart. To cut off her friends entirely was never an option she could live with, no matter how hard she tried; she allowed herself just this one contact to bring herself some comfort. Instinctively, she leans forward and reaches behind her into the cabinet and finds the pot that holds her gun. Still holding the small pistol in her left hand, she reaches up above her onto the counter for her cell phone buried in her purse.

Digging through her purse, she hears a floorboard creak: Stairs! she desperately thinks as she stops rummaging and catches her breadth, trying and failing to listen for more over the angry chords. Hoping it was only her imagination but wanting to hear it again; wanting to know which door she should run to; wishing she knew how to escape this hopeless feeling of a caged animal, one beaten and bruised, with no end to the torture and relentless trepidation.

She fights the urge to get up and turn the radio off, not wanting him to be suspicious of her fear and knowing he would take full advantage of it. With one ear cocked towards the stairs, trained to recognize another disturbance, she quietly continues to frantically hunt through her purse. Becoming anxious, she empties the contents onto the floor, hating the noise she is making but unaware to the possibility that the music covers her rummaging. As she sees her blackberry fall from the pouch’s folds, she tosses her purse aside and snaps the phone off the floor, unconsciously making the decision to run through the hallway past the library and out the back door.

She has only taken three eager strides down the hall when she hears him jump off the stairs and run from the front entry on the opposite side of the house. She rushes on, not wasting time to look back, knowing there must be only a couple yards that separate them. She reaches the patio door and yanks it open, thankful she forgot to replace its broken lock the previous day. Still running through, she simultaneously grabs the handle on her way out and pulls the door closed behind her, hearing him curse as she sprints away off the red and brick patio and towards the wooded walk leading to her neighbors. This is why you run everyday. Come on, you just have to get past the bushes and rose garden and then it’s a quick view of Diane and Shirley. It’s Sunday, they’ll be outside, just get in their view, she conditions herself, knowing that a panic would only slow her down and hearing him only yards behind her.

“I see you’ve been running, Mutt,” he sneers at her from behind. Hearing the old nickname, she cringes and gains speed with new motivation. Not now, he can’t get me like this. Not on a sunny Sunday morning, and with the bushes only a short sprint away.

Every Sunday morning, Diane and Shirley, sat outside drinking mimosas and eating gooey hot cinnamon rolls from the local bakery while looking through the adds of the newspaper, catching up on the weekly news, and reading whatever book they were on for that week’s Thursday night book club. They were two seventy-three year old women who had been best friends since birth, or at least that is what they liked to tell folks.

Even though they retired from teaching at the local university, Diane gives violin and piano lessons while Shirley is a ballet instructor. Four times a week they make it a point to do hot yoga in the next town over then come back to Bert’s Brews, the popular café in town, and gossip about everything they saw and everyone they encountered. Age may know them well but they don’t know it. They still insist on playing monsters and kids with their great grandchildren, running around the yard chasing them while making goofy sounds. They both lost their husbands in the Vietnam War and refuse to marry again but their house is always filled with love and family, related or proudly adopted.

Carefully traipsing through the rose garden, Beth glances up the hill, relieved to see them sitting out in their rockers enjoying the sunshine and being reliable as ever; but she refuses to relax her pace, not until she’s reached the edge of their very large patio.

“Well hello there, Beth,” Diane greets her, always the more vocal woman of the two. “Nice morning for a jog I see, although it looks like you could use some new work out clothes.”

“Oh Diane, leave the child be,” Shirley cackles and rolls her eyes. “Can’t you tell? She must be in a hurry.”

“Well yes, but that doesn’t mean I can’t chide her now. Ain’t that right doll?” Diane turns her attention back to Beth and fully takes in her disheveled look and bare feet. “My dear, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

“Are you alright child?” Shirley joins in, putting her book down on the table and taking Beth’s hand in both of hers.

Looking down at the two elderly women, Beth realizes her mistake in coming here for safety. Craine could easily hurt them. They are no match for him despite their years of working out and making sure to stay in shape. “Yes, I’m fine,” she responds, knowing they won’t believe her but trying anyway.

“Honey, I never did like a liar, especially a blatant one,” Diane quickly retorts as she lays her book in her lap and takes Beth’s other hand in her own, never setting down her mimosa. “Please tell us what has got you so worried and in such a mood.”

“We’ve come to think of you as a granddaughter.”

“Even if you have only been living next door for a year.”

The tears she had willed to go away as she ran the wooded path were resurfacing. They were right, they were like a pair of grandmothers to her, too. Desperately wanting to tell them, she hesitates and looks up towards the street and spots Craine. He is staring back at her, making sure she knows he is not going away; that she is not safe, she never was. She had only fooled herself into thinking that running away gave her a free and happy life for the past year, but who was she chiding. She still double checked the locks on every door at night, made sure all the windows were closed, and checked each room before going to bed at night. She could not even resist checking when taking a nap. She had so greatly wanted to sleep with the windows open during the summer but was somehow still unable to conquer that fear. She was never going to be safe, she realized; except maybe, if only, for just one more night.

He turns around and digs the motorcycle he had hidden out of the scarce bushes beside her house, how the hell did I miss that? Beth looks back down at the women, staring back and forth between the two. Taking a final breath in and slowly releasing it, she realizes she couldn’t trust anyone more in her life than these two. He may be a cop with an entire police force that have his back, but she was young, twenty-nine, and needed to live a life not afraid of the future or running from the past.

Releasing their hands, Beth turns around and reaches for the third rocker—the one they bought for her as a welcoming gift when she moved into the neighborhood, a friendly open invite to join them any Sunday as long as she didn’t talk and disturb their peace too much. Many mornings were spent reading the local paper, any cooking or home magazine she could get her hands on, and a wide range of novels in that rocking chair. It had become a welcomed part of her Sunday morning routine. Pulling the rocker closer to the ladies and sitting down in it, she recognizes her need for help—and how much of their peace she is about to disrupt.

With the harsh sound of the motorcycle’s thrum as Craine begins to drive away—for now, she knows he’ll be back soon—Beth leans forward in her chair, elbows placed on her knees as only her toes touch the ground, showing off the muscles in her calves. She suddenly thrusts out her right hand to Diane, the woman who’s closest, and with all the confidence she can muster, firmly states, “Hi, I’m Lesley Anne and I could really use a mimosa.” Smooth, real smooth.

~~~

It was like they never heard, still sitting motionless in their rockers. Diane weakly shakes Lesley’s, more out of polite habit than anything. A few seconds pass before the slightest movement proves they did. Diane removes her hand and leans back in her rocker. Lesley smoothly pulls her hands back, cradling them in her own lap, twiddling her thumbs as she looks down at her bare feet playing with the porch wood.

Numbly and without any sound, Shirley gets up from her rocker, showing every bit her age suddenly. Tasting blood from biting her lip, Lesley cannot believe what she has just done and kicks herself thinking, these women don’t deserve this. Why did I have to kill their innocent Sunday ritual? One salty tear trickles down her cheek, followed by another and another, only making the reality of it all worse. With the back of her hand she wipes them away, hating the honesty behind it, her vulnerability. All she wanted was her own Sunday routine without the threat of her past creeping around every corner and she had just abruptly taken away her neighbors’ tradition.

The sound of glass shattering in the kitchen from Shirley dropping the pitcher sends Diane into motion—she’s off her rocker and dialing her nephew faster than Lesley can respond and grab the phone from her. She’s lost the battle, why did I tell them? How did that just spill from my mouth like I needed the confession for survival? How can I possibly think they will be of much help? Every ounce of bravery begins to drain from Lesley’s body and her face becomes pale. The adrenaline is gone and all that is left is reality.

Mutt, he had called her. She heard it seethe through him as he exhaled the old nickname with hatred. He thought it fitting. She was a mixed breed, an orphan. No parents, no siblings and no friends—as far as he knew. He had put her in a cage. She belonged only to his world. Did as he told or there were consequences. Sometimes, even when she would listen, she still suffered the consequences, simply because he enjoyed it. He beat her like she was from the pound and she knew it was only a matter of time before her time was up. Love never existed in their relationship, everything was a lie—this was why she had ran. To him, she was a trophy only later to become a pet that he abused for his own entertainment. His was the only pleasure that mattered, no matter the harm she suffered. The future she had begun to believe in and so desperately wanted to exist only a few days before became lost in that morning’s events. She didn’t have one.

Face in her hands, she wonders what kept Craine from coming over right now, why did he stop? Or drive away? He had to see the women, assuming they’d be easy to take in their old age. She knew the answer. He wanted her to fear, to know that he was around any corner. He could be on the road driving right behind her or beneath her window as she tossed and turned in bed relentlessly, unable to fall asleep at night.

Something on her face registers with Diane, who is silent on the phone when her nephew answers but finally pulls from her reverie, responding, “Nick! Hello, sorry for the call. We thought we broke our blender but Beth—Lesley—no, Beth came over and got it to work just fine for our morning mimosas. How are you doing, though? Everything still going good?”

If only I could lie like that. Well, minus the minor slip-up, I would not have had to bring them into this. I simply could have said I got spooked, or Mace got out of the house and I was chasing after him—WAIT. The sudden realization that she had never noticed Mace in the house or yard turns Lesley ashen. Frantic with worry, she sends the rocker back as she jumps up to look around the two yards.

“No, no, Nick, we are all good…Lesley? I don’t remember a Lesley…well I am seventy-three, if you haven’t heard, I am allowed these blunders and babblings with my memory…” Lesley hears as she runs to check along the hedge on the property line and the bushes surrounding the house.

~~~

Chapter 1

Dingy. No other word could describe the hole in the wall bar that would soon become her sanction. Two layers of grime and decorated with gum, it was a wonder the place kept patrons, but if the health department deemed it fit enough for business she wasn’t about to complain. She didn’t have the luxury of time to find a different job. John had promised her she would have a job here and she wasn’t about to pass the opportunity up.

“—Beth Gable,” the woman behind the bar interrupted her thoughts. With only a few patrons scattered around the bar, the woman’s hairline was glistening with sweat. Her auburn hair was pulled back into a high ponytail with escaping strands shaping her tanned face and she was elbow deep washing dishes. Despite the crows feet Beth noticed around the eyes, the woman looked good for pushing fifty. If it weren’t for John, she never would have guessed the woman standing before her was older than forty. What was her secret? Beth wondered, desperately wanting to know the answer to every woman’s aging question.

“I’m sorry, I—”

“Don’t worry about it hon, that look in your eye gave you away. You were off in another world. I will say that won’t fly here if you aren’t attentive to our customers, but you came highly recommended from John and Lord knows I owe the guy a favor or four.”

Her easy ramblings put Beth at ease, though the nerves still lingered at bay. Close enough to be noticed but far enough from preventing her to remember her manors. “Sorry, just trying to take in my new place of employment. John spoke highly of the place, raved about your Tuesday taco night.”

The woman cackled at that and Beth noticed the smoker betrayal in her voice, “Mary Sue but everyone calls me Mo.”

After a little more small talk and some minor jabs at John’s expense, Mo showed Beth around the small place. The walls were of wood, placed vertical and scratched to hell, as if a litter of cats clawed the wall. In some places, words were etched in permanence. Upon further inspection, Beth noticed it appeared as though the guests had signed their names. The walls around tables were covered; even some of the bar stools and tables themselves.

It wasn’t a big establishment. Only big enough for a center oval bar that took up most of the space and was surrounded by a dozen high top tables. The bar side closest to the door held the server station while the far end, nearest the restrooms and kitchen, housed the entry to the bar. The bathrooms were single stalled and located near the back. The front wall housed a small buffet and Beth quickly learned the menu was strictly appetizers. Most patrons relied on the buffet for anything substantial. Besides Taco Tuesday, there was Wing Wednesday, Chili Thursday, Fish Fry Friday, and Slider Saturdays. Sundays were anything goes, which usually meant anything leftover or a big slew of spaghetti.

“What about Mondays?”

“Mondays are for sleep, chores, and errands. We aren’t open,” Mo replied as if it was the craziest idea in the world to work on a Monday. Small town luxury Beth guessed. “You start next Tuesday. That should give you a few days to get situated.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I don’t need the extra days. I’d actually prefer to start as soon as possible.”

“What can I get you, Starky?” Mo stepped back behind the bar and threw down a napkin in front of a gray bearded bald guy who had just taken a seat at the bar, poured his two fingers of Maker’s Mark and then turned her attention once again to Beth. “Well okay then. 10a.m. tomorrow. Don’t be late.”

Giving a slight nod to show she understood, Beth turned to leave as a phone rang.

“Hold up,” shouted Mo as she still cradled a cell phone to her ear and pointedly glanced at the duffle bag Beth still gripped, having refused to set it down anywhere during the quick tour, before continuing, “Change of plans. Can you work tonight? Be back around four? That will give you about three hours to go home, change, cleanup, whatever.”

Beth couldn’t believe her luck. The fear of being the new girl and getting shafted on shifts left as Beth took a breath of relief. “Yes. Perfect.”

“Janice you’re off the hook…No, don’t thank me, thank Beth when you meet her.” Mo’s tone didn’t escape Beth and she assumed Janice often called in to work. All the better, Beth needed as many shifts as she could get. More work meant more money and less time focusing on the past—or worrying over the future. Not to mention it would be an easy way to avoid making friends. She didn’t need to socialize.

“—jeans and a black top,” Mo was saying before she noticed the look on Beth’s face. “Girl, you better learn how to keep in conversation before you return tonight. Make sure you wear comfortable shoes. Shorts are okay. No yoga pants, please. Don’t be one of those girls.”

Beth lived in leggings but Mo didn’t need to know that. Laughing slightly, she replied, “Got it. No lazying around clothes,” and walked out the front door. Mo may have been a little abrasive and outspoken but she was immediately accepting and friendly. Beth didn’t know what John had told the woman, but she figured it wasn’t much. Hell, John didn’t even know half the truth. He had only assumed enough to offer her a way out.

~~~

After a catnap and a lengthy shower, Beth felt oddly refreshed. She had only been in town a couple hours yet she felt more secure than she had in years. That’s not saying much, she laughed dryly to herself.

Letting her long dark brown locks air dry, she decided to go minimal with the makeup, as well. She hated foundation, how it dried out her skin. All she needed were some strokes of the mascara brush to accentuate her already long, full eyelashes and some target red lipstick. Enough to show she had put some effort into her getup without overdoing it or looking like she was trying to impress. She wasn’t. The last thing she wanted was attention or to be noticed. She preferred to fly underneath the radar but knew that looking nice went farther with tips.

She donned dark washed jean shorts and a black razorback tank top. After looking in the mirror and seeing the still visible yellow markers of a vice grip on her upper arm, she grabbed a sheer black shirt to go over her tank. If her short stint in the bar earlier proved anything, she would be sweating easily by mid shift. Checking to make sure every window and door was locked in the small two bedroom, two bath lake house before leaving, Beth forced any lingering anxiety away. Still, better to be safe than sorry, she excused her actions. She was sorry enough already for having been spineless but wanted to take charge of her life again more than anything.

The house was far from perfect but she was determined to make it home. The entry opened up into a hallway with the living room on the left and stairs leading to the second floor on the right. The wallpaper was peeling in every room and the carpet had some stubborn stains that made the place appear shabby. While it came partly furnished, furniture was limited to barely the essentials: dinner table accompanied by four mismatching chairs, loveseat, lazyboy, dresser, bedside endstand, and a queen bed. It wasn’t much but it would work. Beth hadn’t been looking for a place to lounge around in. She planned on spending most of her time working. Her favorite feature was the fireplace and mantel, the main attraction of the living room. Underneath the stairs was a small entry closet and further down the hallway was the kitchen, a dream kitchen housing an island and a stacked double oven with a set of French doors that opened out onto a brick patio. Weeds and grass were peeking through and the backyard hadn’t been mowed in weeks but beyond the tall grass was the calm waters of the lake. The small, shallow, private lake was Beth’s favorite part of the property. The left side of the small two-acre lot was lined with woods and an overgrown pebbled path lead the way from the patio to the neighbor’s hedge line along the opposite side.

John had also helped with securing the rental, signing the lease himself for her. She refused to leave a paper trail and he was the only one aware of her whereabouts. Not even old Mr. Findlay down the block from her old home knew where she was heading. Sure, she wanted to tell him but he insisted on not knowing. He was the only soul who knew the truth behind everything. He even paid for her private martial arts classes with John at his home. Though, after John had seen a few of the bruises on her arms and legs and then later across her back, he stopped charging Mr. Findlay. While his curiosity of the situation was obvious, he didn’t push the issue and Beth had been thankful for that.

With her head bubbling with the possibilities of a future, one she only recently had a grasp on, she walked out the front door, turning the door’s handle to double check that it was locked. Satisfied, she began the mile-long trek to Mosey’s for her first shift.

~~~

Twenty minutes before she had to be there, Beth walked in to a semi packed bar. The bar itself was filled but most of the tables remained empty, allowing her the ability to take in the place again without feeling rushed to start her shift. Mo was behind the bar with a guy who had his back turned to her. Even hunched over the bar, Beth could tell he was a full head taller than she was. His hard features when he turned to her caused her to take a step back. She quickly scolded herself for the automatic reaction, not liking the vulnerability she unintentionally showed for that one split second.

Hurrying to gain control of herself, she brushed her hair back and acknowledged Mo, “Where do you want me to start?”

“Early. I like you already. You ever bartended before?”

“Been a few years.”

“Then hop on in here. It’s like riding a bike. I’ve got to get back to the office. If you need anything, Nick here can help you out. Laney will be in around five to handle the floor.” Skeleton shift. Beth didn’t know what to make of that in regards to shifts and tips. “You’ll have to do a pour test real quick before you can serve bar guests. Nick can oversee that. If aren’t good enough, you’ll switch with Laney.” Without sticking around any further to make sure Beth was settled, Mo headed back to the office, briefly acknowledging the cook waving her back to the kitchen first.

The intensity of Nick’s gaze followed Beth as she slipped out of her jean jacket, placing it and her purse on a low shelf behind the bar. She didn’t have to look in his direction to know she had his full, unwanted attention and it was she he addressed, “You might want to lose the sweater, too.”

Not a chance in hell. “I think I’ll be fine, thanks.”

“Suit yourself,” he retorted before reverting his attention to the blond he previously hid with his big build.

“I’m sorry, I just…I’m more comfortable this way,” Beth quickly tried to make up for her unintentional snub, gaining a slight glare from Barbie when Nick turned back around. Why do I even care if I offend him? “Besides, with long sleeves I can at least give people the illusion of boisterous muscles.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” he chuckled while giving her a full once over, simultaneously voicing his obvious opinion of her small frame and pleasing Bitchy Barbie. Her name is going to keep getting longer and longer, I can already tell.

Bitchy Barbie appeared to be dressed to the nines, though Beth could only see her slim fitting bright red halter. Beth guessed it was a mini dress paired with heels. Quickly glancing around at the other guests, it was obvious how hard the girl was trying. The girl just screamed desperate and Beth silently predicted an addition to the girl’s sorry name: Bimbo. Bitchy Bimbo Barbie. The platinum blonde hair nearly solidified the deal, but then she spoke and hammered the nail into the coffin.

“Nicky, darling, buy me a side salad,” she stroked his arm and staked an unnecessary claim. Beth could only hide her smirk behind her hair. If this was the type of girl Nicky liked, Triple B needn’t worry.

Yanking his arm back, he didn’t even try to hide his annoyance, “Salad? Sorry, side salad? We aren’t a damn Panera Bread, Lindsey.” Ehh, Triple B is much more fitting.

“Well you don’t have to be so rude, Nicky.”

“And you can learn what’s on the menu. Fried food won’t kill you.” I’m guessing it will, Beth thought as she turned away and tried to give the bickering couple some space, only to realize the poor girl moved to a nearby table a few seconds later when Nick growled, “and the name’s not Nicky, damnit.”

Despite her immediate annoyance with the girl, Beth felt bad for the Bimbo and addressed Nick, against her better judgment, “You should apologize to your girl, Nicky. It’s only a salad.” His zero to sixty outburst over a simple meal request—albeit something the bar neglected to offer on their menu, even she knew this—bothered her. The memories his anger triggered irritated her. She had put a few hundred miles between herself and the man she hated. She took care to cover her tracks well. She knew it wouldn’t be a quick fix. The wounds he caused were cut too deep. Still, she didn’t want to constantly be fighting off the urge to run or hide. She was already doing both.

Nick’s only response was to pin her with a glare, one she immediately closed in on herself from. Noted: don’t piss Nicky off. He silently showed her how to clock in before walking off to the back of the establishment. Oh yeah, no problem, I’ll just figure out how to ring in shit myself. Thanks for the rope to hang myself with, asshole, Beth fumed to herself as a few guests asked for another round of drinks. Yes, and let’s not bother with that pour test either. No worries, I’ll just get fired before I even claim my tips tonight. Peachy.