One of the best compliments I’ve ever been given was, “She’s not a woman who needs a man or who is scared to be on her own, that’s a woman who is independent and completely secure on her own.”

They’re not wrong.

I do date. I will relentlessly put myself out there, as my dating history has shown over the years, but I ultimately choose who I want to be with. I have no qualms about turning someone down. I will not force feelings. Sometimes, I’ve gotten it wrong and allowed a man to tear me down but in the end, I always get up. I always leave what’s no longer worth my time (& time is my most valued currency). I always realize my worth. I always choose to walk alone instead of being treated like a last thought.

And I don’t just walk, I freaking dance.

I’m a firm believer that you can simultaneously choose to be with someone and make them a priority if you want to. Hell, I’ve turned guys down simply because my busy lifestyle in certain stages won’t allow me to make a relationship a priority. 

Reality is everyone is an option, they should be. You should not need someone in your life to determine your happiness, worth, or outlook on the world. The best thing is knowing someone doesn’t need you but they want you. They wake up choosing you. Above everyone else, they’re not only choosing you but they’re not even trying to look for someone else. They have to earn to be in your life just as you earn to be in theirs. It’s a partnership—it takes two to tango, one can’t do it all.

My last three relationships I jumped into. I let the man decide the pace of the song & the status of our relationship. When they wanted to be exclusive, we were. When they got distant and didn’t communicate, I allowed them to act like I was hardly a back of mind thought. I allowed them make me question my worth for a period of time.

I’m not proud of any of this.

And yet, I always find my independence again. At the close of each relationship, I’m reminded what I compromised. I find myself again and it’s my favorite thing about a breakup.

I love the freedom of dancing alone, selecting my own song to groove to.

I also love the freedom of whom I choose to dance with; when we create a peaceful symphony of harmonies & melodies.

Key word: freedom.